I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
