I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize