making cat noises will not fix the situation.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
