I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
