ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
