I will die if light touches me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
