my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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