My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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