Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
