Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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