Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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