If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
two words...techno handjob
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
