she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
