I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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