were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
