He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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