do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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