They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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