I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
