you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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