I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
