My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
