to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
