The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
