She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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