If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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