I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
