I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
