can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
