I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
