mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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