No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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