all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
