I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
