That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
