member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
