so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
