I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
