I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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