I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
