OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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