Im at strip club and am horny
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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