This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
