So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
