I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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