Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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