nut hugger
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
