I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
