I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
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just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
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My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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