yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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