My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
