This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
