I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
