i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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