I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize