I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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