when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
