Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
