remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
