My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
