Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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