just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
