this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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