I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
