Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
