i permit you to call me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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