I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
