ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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