I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
