Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
