Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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